Hospitality and the Church
Is your Church Friendly?
The church had a great crowd for a fall worship service. Oh, it’s a baby baptism. Baby baptisms bring the crowds.
This was my second visit to the big downtown church in a neighboring community. This time I knew where to park (more on this below). I came in under ten minutes before the 9:30 a.m. service. I liked seeing people in most pews, but with lots of space too. Before covid, I would have said “Lots of space for growth.”
Finding a Seat
As a teenager, a wise adult had encouraged me to sit toward the front of our church so that I could see everything easily, feel the energy of the room…and catch the little things that go on like the pastors looking at each other frantically when they both realize they thought the other was doing the Children’s Time. “It’s those moments that give humanity to all the stuffiness,” she told me with a grin.
First Visit - Friendly Church
My first visit was in August on a hot Michigan day.
I arrived in a polo and khakis and soon saw someone in jeans to balance out the two guys in sports coats and ties. The greeter saw me and waved. I waved.
The folks with the bulletins apologized that the air wasn’t working. I found a seat toward the front near the outer aisle. The couple in the next pew turned to say hello. It felt good to be in church after a long time away.
Second Visit Not So Friendly
For my second visit, on this baptism Sunday, the folks at the Welcome Table were catching up with all their friends. I continued to the overflow seating. Ten people had staked out their spots out there beyond the glass walls to the sanctuary. I headed to receive a bulletin from a nice lady who was engaged in a vivid conversation with a church friend.
As the sanctuary had a good crowd, I decided to stick to the back to give space for the families and friends to be closer. I sat down in the back pew. The couple near me never looked up.
I said “Good morning,” apparently not loud enough.
How Friendly are Churches?
As a regular guest preacher, I visit a lot of churches. Since someone from the Worship committee is anxiously waiting for me, I get regularly greeted. But what about visiting a church?
Christmas Eve Tickets
For Christmas Eve during college, I wanted to go to services. My Grandma Ruth told me her church required tickets. She had not gotten some. Did she want me to call them? No, we would choose another Presbyterian church. We went to a smaller church than hers and it was wonderful.
Tickets are a necessary evil but not friendly.
What Makes a Church Friendly?
Being friendly. This seems obvious, but is it? Is it obvious to regular church attenders that they are there not only to worship the Living God but also to be welcoming to the random stranger who comes to worship that day?
I had a junior in youth ministry, who asked me why I was working so hard to be welcoming to the new people? I froze realizing that I wasn’t treating her that way anymore. Turning, I apologized to her letting her know that I was glad she was here. She told me it was cool.
“After six months and the mission trip, you are one of us.,” I said. She gave me a grin. And started helping her step-brother and I set up the room.
The People in the Pew are the Ones who Welcome
Ages ago, Outreach Magazine had a pollster company survey people who had stopped going to church who had been regular attenders. The survey found that after missing just 3 weeks of worship and no one calling to check on them that even a regular worshipper will feel the church is unfriendly.
The pastor's calling did not matter, according to the survey results. “It’s the pastor’s job.” But if a fellow pew sitter were to call, then the people felt they were missed.
We are Responsible for the People around Us
Two of my churches regularly taught people to know the people in the two pews (or row of seats) behind them, their pew, and the two pews in front of them. Learn these names as the majority of people sit in generally the same location.1
Then we are to call or email or text or use social to see how they are if they haven’t been in a week or two. Just check-in. We don’t have to tell them we missed seeing them in church. But check-in. If they ask us why we called, we can mention church and how much we enjoy seeing them there.
The Third Visit
If I hadn’t stayed in the “Greet the Pastor” line, no one would have spoken to me on my second visit. I am interested to go for my third visit and see which congregation is the real one:
The friendly “Sorry for the air conditioning” one where people were glad I came to church.
Or the “We have a crowd for baptism,” we are so glad to see our church friends, and therefore, none of us will speak to you - church.
I bet that this is a friendly church. I know the present pastor and she is smart, warm, and friendly. A decade ago the pastors were awesome as well.2 I would think that the church would only call pastors to lead them who reflect their friendliness.
Bonus - 5 Ways to Be Friendlier
Believe that the responsibility for greeting and welcoming people is everyone’s and not only greeters, staff, or those handing out bulletins.
Have a parking map available on social media sites, and websites.
Have the dress code on the social media sites and website correspond to what people actually wear on Sunday.
Reserve the last two rows for latecomers and visitors.
Learn to say “Hello” and “Good Morning” and not “I haven’t seen you here before,” or “Are you new?”
I like to sit on the lectern side toward the front in the 3-6th rows. So I can feel the energy. Also, as a preacher, it sometimes unnerves other preachers to have me so close in front of the pulpit hence the lectern (non-pulpit side).
I never got to know the pastor in between. My hope is he was friendly too.