Ministry for Men
How to Help the Church be Fun for Active People
The room was fuchsia. I learned this by asking multiple times, “What color is this?”
Now many men know colors. By now I should recognize fuchsia. But at that time I just felt out of place meeting with a couple about their wedding in the church parlor.
“Parlor.”
Neither of my grandparents’ homes had a parlor. The Burke’s Parlor is an important setting in Leo Tolstoy’s novel Anna Karenina.
Of my eight churches, three have had parlors. Six of the eight churches, including all three with parlors, had difficulty attracting men to the life of the church.
Engage Active People
Let’s focus on the two churches that attract and engage active people in the life of the church.
First, let’s separate this from actual gender. The issue isn’t about the male and female dichotomy. It isn’t one or the other.
The key is to have church offerings that appeal to both people who love sitting and sharing their lives, and those who prefer to be doing - and later when we know each other, sharing our lives…or not.
Second, the growing church has offerings that are more than Bible studies/small groups. It has activities where people are doing things together.
The following are actual church activities from the two churches that attract all kinds of people to do church life together. One of the churches is over 2,000 people and the other is under 300 people. Both only offer one type of worship service.1
Sunday Morning
Coffee Hour
Quality Coffee and tasty lemonade are offered before and after worship at both of these churches. One only serves delicious fair-trade coffee. The other was fighting this church battle between quality Dunkin’ coffee and a cheap off-brand (which I’m told was weak).2
The lemonade or fruit punch must also be tasty and not watered down. Bad drinks at Coffee Hour are not a good first impression.
Both churches sometimes have cookies and fruit available at Coffee Hour after worship. Both sometimes do not have anything to eat -depends on the Signup Genius volunteer.
Worship
Both churches do not worry about getting worship done in exactly one hour. Instead, worship engages everyone to participate and be a part of what is going on with known music, instruments, and variety.
Teaching a New Hymn
Each church uses a 4-week to teach new hymns to the congregation:
Week 1 - Hymn is played twice during the service on the organ, or piano
Week 2 - Choir sings the hymn. The congregation may join on the refrain
Week 3 - Congregation sings the hymn as the second or last hymn so latecomers don’t miss the opportunity (people parking the car)
Week 4 - Congregation sings the hymn again.
Week Next Month - Congregation sings the hymn.
Each Week
The churches that want to attract and integrate active people into their church life offer activities that people can participate in which are more than sitting around a table talking.
Here are some examples:
Thursday Pinochle - For two hours every Thursday 2- 4 p.m. anyone can come to play pinochle, a card game that involves rotating partners. Everyone brings 5 quarters to play and everyone leaves with either 1 quarter or a possible $4.50 if you are the big winner with one Pinochle!
Sunday Night Poker - For two hours every Sunday 6-8 p.m. while the high school youth group is meeting, the church has a penny poker night. One night a month we play with poker chips (no money) for those who don’t want to use money).
Saturday Car Repairs - Any single parents, or older adults who need some regular maintenance can get their car worked on for free from 9-11 a.m.
Tuesday Morning Work Crew - Anyone who needs some maintenance done can request a visit from these men and women who like to do home maintenance like adjust gutters, fix decks, rehang a door, etc.
Each Month
Here are some examples:
See the list above, but they meet once a month or every 1st and 3rd week.
A Friday night, Saturday, or Sunday activity that is active like canoeing, golf, a mission project, mountain biking, family bike ride on the rails to trails, or a good hike.
Volunteer together to help your community host a big event like Oktoberfest or the 4th of July or a Labor Day picnic.
Do a mission project together on a morning or afternoon.
The Golf Night
In communities with good weather, one of these churches offer a Golf Night. It is open to anyone who wants to play 9 holes together. You sign up with a cart partner and the organizer mixes the partners all season long.
Most of the groups have a light dinner afterward, but some just stay for a cool drink with the group as they sort out some best shot awards for those who kicked in a $10 to play for these awards.
Friends are welcome. Gender is never discussed. Some couples play. Some couples play but with different partners who enjoy playing together.
The Bible Study
None of this is to say that active people don’t need to learn the Bible. Find some energetic teachers and have them teach 3-week classes for people who don’t want the 15-week class that meets. Offer something short with a great teacher so everyone can learn the Bible.
Here are some classes I’ve or our church have offered that attract different types of people:
The Bible in One Hour - We sit/stand around two long tables with graphics in hand to everyone who comes. Then in one hour, I can present the entire Bible from creation to the Revelation calling out for graphics to be added to the table to the people present.
Sports and Faith - Each 45-minute class had a different speaker about how they live their faith while coaching or playing with a great facilitator who encouraged group conversation.
Who Do We Have So Much When…? or Why Does God Let Cancer Happen? - This class can engage people as we address the hard questions that need to be unpacked in a better way than only a 13-minute sermon can do. This class paired with a sermon series can be powerful.
See this Movie, Come on Sunday to Talk - Plan a 3-week movie series with a Sunday morning discussion. Pick popular movies on streaming that have good themes or just fun stuff that we can enjoy talking about together.
In Summary
Our churches must offer more engaging opportunities for people who don’t want to sit in the parlor drinking tea so that they can find their faith growing as well. Keep planning new opportunities and try new things. It doesn’t all have to work.
Paint the Gathering Room
P.S. Schedule one weekend to repaint the new Gathering Room (formerly Parlor). Find some great contemporary paint colors (use a designer) and promise everyone that this room will be repainted every decade whether it needs it or not.
Churches that offer more than one worship style usually do better attracting and keeping sitting people and active people.
I don’t drink coffee unless served on a home visit by an older member who just wants the pastor to have a hot beverage.