Rethinking Men's Retreats
A Men's Retreat That I Want to Go To
Has your church offered a Men’s Retreat in the past 10 years?
Men’s Retreats are rarer than a Bald Eagle sighting in Michigan. Over my 30-year pastoral ministry career, I’ve attended two and had the option of going on two more.
In the same period, the churches have offered at least 15 Women’s Retreats, and I’ve led at least 30 weekend youth retreats.
Why So Few Men’s Retreats?
Some churches offer Men’s Retreats, but they usually require a threshold of participants to make the event cost-effective. This is sometimes called the “Go Number. “We need 10 men for this retreat to be a Go.” The deadline comes, and you have four guys, and three are on the planning team.
A difficulty with marketing Men’s Retreats is that the men don’t know what to expect. Or they know what their girlfriends and wives share about their retreat: Earl Grey tea, walks in the woods, and deep conversations about their spiritual lives.
It Sounds Boring
Everyone - men and women - lead busy lives. A spiritual weekend away, which could strengthen our faith, can sound boring if billed entirely about talking about our faith. A retreat centered on conversations sounds boring. Or worse, it can feel scary if we don’t know with whom we will be having these conversations.
Men Will Talk If
Men will talk about their faith if they feel safe. They will have deep conversations:
With people they know and trust
When they have relaxed
When they feel valued
After they’ve connected with the holy
We can connect with the holy through some praise singing (if the men are used to singing in worship - lots of men don’t sing in church). Or you can do it with some shared exciting activity. This will build trust, which will help men connect with God.
Designing An Effective Men’s Retreat
How did New Hope Church get 17 men to go on their Men’s Retreat over Friday/Saturday of Palm Sunday weekend (2025)? The key was forming a Leader Team of people open to new ideas. Then we spent time talking about the purpose of the retreat.
The Purpose of This Men’s Retreat
Every effective church event must begin with a clear purpose. Our purpose was threefold (and the order matters):
Build community
Have Fun
Build Spiritual Unity
We wanted a Men’s Retreat where we could get to know each other. Some men grew up in a youth group together, and others are new to the church. Some are single, or their GF/wife1 worships at a different church. How can we get these men to know each other better?
The Go Number
Our Leader Team met once in person to agree on our purpose, talk through activities, and divvy responsibilities. Over email, we talked about the Go Number. I recommend 8-10 people. The team thought that was too high, as we hadn’t had a retreat in 5 years and no one knew what to expect. If we get six, we go and have a great time.
We promoted the retreat in the weekly Email Blast, in the bulletin/on the screen, and by word of mouth. We soon had 11 people, including two friends from other churches. The next six were personally invited by people they knew. I can’t stress enough how important it is to ask people straight up, listen to their worries, and see if you can help.
Make a Fun Men’s Retreat
We sought to build community among the men by doing fun things together. We chose to explore the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, share a great lunch, and play TopGolf.2
Time to roam the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame got the men talking, sharing stories of bands they had seen and where they heard this or that song. They had a ball playing the real instruments in the Garage Band display. Then we walked to the East 4th Street entertainment area to enjoy great family style at Mabel’s BBQ.
Men’s Spiritual Formation
For our Men’s Retreat, we had two praise and teaching times. Friday night, we began the retreat in a hotel conference room where we snacked on Korean pastries, sang praise3 with our music pastor, and had a short lesson on Ephesians 4:3:
The Holy Spirit makes you one in every way. So try your best to remain as one. Let peace keep you together.
On Saturday afternoon, we gathered in upper Edgewater Park overlooking Lake Erie and the Cleveland skyline for more praise singing, conversations, and prayer.
Why a 2-Day Retreat?
We planned a 2-Day retreat because most of our men had never been on a men’s retreat. A Friday night to Saturday night looked less scary. Also, the men with small children (or busy teenagers) might be able to come on a shorter retreat.
The Men’s Retreat Plan
For those hoping to do a Men’s Retreat for your church, here is our plan:
9pm Friday - Retreat begins in the hotel conference room for 90 minutes4
Saturday Breakfast on your own - lots of guys don’t eat breakfast so you can save money here. - Hotel breakfasts are $25-35 per person.
9:30am Gather to walk to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame5
10am Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (church pays)6
12:30pm Gather to walk to Mabel’s BBQ
1pm Lunch together (church pays)
3pm Edgewater Park for pics, walk, praise, and prayer groups
5pm Top Golf - 3 bays with 2.5 hours of golf and a steak/chicken fajita buffet (church pays)
7:30pm Retreat ends for people to drive the 2-2.5 hours home
In Conclusion
The men had a good time on the retreat. We received thank yous from them and some of their spouses, who said they were thrilled to hear their guy talking about the experience. The best part is that the men know each other better.
GirlFriend
We charged $70 for the early bird and the $100 (hotel extra). We offered scholarships. We budgeted $1,000 and only spent $364, since we had a high turnout.
The men in this church sing on Sunday.
The hotel room costs were paid for by each person. Roommates were encouraged. I chose a *** Hotel, knowing my parishioners. The hotel canceled three rooms and moved those men to a **** star hotel for the same price. Four men drove in on Saturday morning - 3 because of Friday night work, and one who did not want to do the hotel.
It was pouring rain, and the hotel had a free shuttle so we took it.
This church doesn’t have a church credit card, so the Leader Team divvyed up who would pay for what on their personal credit cards.
Wish I'd had this a few years ago.